Hello again, everyone! Hope you like the new color scheme for this week!
A few things I should mention: Chloe has her own mini-bio on the Cast page now! Looks like she’ll be sticking around for a while. (Lester may get a mini-bio someday, but only if he behaves himself.)
Also, Worth Doing Badly will now be UPDATING ON THURSDAYS! It fits better with the artist’s schedule with his new job, and hopefully it’ll make that useless day before Friday slightly more enjoyable for all of you.
BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THIS COMIC. I WILL NOW SPEAK OF HALLOWEEN.
I love Halloween. If given the choice between Halloween and Christmas, I would tell Santa to take a vacation. I love kids coming to my door in costumes. I love the grabby ones, the young ones too shy to ask me for candy, the teenagers too cool to really do the costume thing so they wear a hockey mask while they try and jimmy the lock on my car… wait. But there’s an energy and a joy that everyone has that ventures out and goes door-to-door. I may let my grass grow too long sometimes, and you may blare the soundtrack to Xanadu at inappropriate hours of the day, but dammit, I can put on a Groucho Marx nose and glasses and you can come to my door with kids dressed as Ninja Turtles and we will be happy and pleasant at least until the candy runs out.
It’s worth pointing out that in the Charlie Brown Halloween special, Linus didn’t have to make a speech about what Halloween was really all about BECAUSE WE ALL GET IT. IT’S JUST AWESOME.
As a kid, I was all “Oh my god, I get to dress up as Spock AND complete strangers GIVE ME FREE CANDY???”
Yes, Virginia, there IS a pagan celebration of controversial origins that wound up becoming a staple of American life.
So for you kids wandering aimlessly this weekend in search of things that turn the blood in your veins into syrup, I wish to impart some hard-earned wisdom.
One: Leaving some candy for the next bunch of kids is for the weak. THEY WOULD DO THE SAME TO YOU IN YOUR POSITION. Someone’s gotta eat that god-awful candy corn, and it may as well be someone other than you.
Two: Don’t scorn the well-meaning adults who give you a mini toothbrush instead of candy. Toothbrushes have many uses. If you have younger and easily fooled siblings, convince them that the toothbrush is a cool toy totally worth trading at least 5 mini-snickers for. Or if that fails, you can use some concrete or any rough surface to sharpen the end of your toothbrush handle to make a shiv, and use it to shank the assholes who give you fruit of any kind with the possible exception of the little boxes of raisins. Raisins are sweet(ish), and I like them. Come on, people. Fruit’s not really any cheaper than a bag of assorted candy, and it will spoil one hell of a lot faster. Fruit should never be associated with the words “Trick or Treat unless immediately followed by the words Roll-Up.
Remember, grown-ups… someday these little Freddies and Jasons and Princess Whatever-Disney-Movie-Came-Out are going to grow up and will be wandering the neighborhood with their fellow kids, mischief in their little minds. Do you want to be the person they remember getting an apple or hard-boiled egg or something? At my place, things will go down thusly:
Kid 1: “Dude, let’s carve our names into the tree in this guy’s front lawn.”
Kid 2: “Wait, other dude, the mofo who lives here once dropped an entire box of Frosted Strawberry Poptarts in my Trick-or-Treat bucket one Halloween. We leave this place alone.”
Kid 1: “Whoa. Hey, let’s pull some weeds in his veggie garden before moving on as a sign of respect.”
Kid 2: “You know it!”
[hi-fives and weeding ensues]
So remember: Give awesome candy, love your neighbors for the few seconds you give their kids said awesome candy, and Worth Doing Badly is now updating Thursdays.
I love all my readers.